Here we go; a new adventure. I am mother of two young children, working full time, with another blog, too many things on my plate-so I say why not add one more! So I am. Am I nervous? YES. Am I scared? YES. Excited? YES. I have never been one to welcome change…hardly ever in my life was I willing to allow and accept it. I am the type of person who is ok with the norm, ok to just keep at the pace I am at; new adventures are few and far between for me. I need to do this to prove to myself that I can count on myself, that I can put my mind to something and finish…alone. Do I need to do it by myself? Absolutely not! I have amazing friends and family who I know would encourage me every step of the way. I need this for me and my kids.
Why do I need to prove this to myself? I honestly cannot answer this question directly. Many things have had me recently pondering.
· My Mema passed away around 7 months ago from the big “C” word-cancer. (Lord, I am so sick of cancer taking good people from others!-I will not get on my soap box about that now) She was a wonderful, caring, fun, women that I miss dearly. I often thought: did I grieve for her fully? I am not sure. I cried, sure. I have memories, sure. Miss her, Absolutely-more than anything. It was so fast-she fell ill in March and passed on in July…it wasn’t enough time to say goodbye…permanently.
· My kids-I need to prove to them I can run, play, skip, and be that fun mom every kid deserves. I do those things now…with limitations. I want no limits-I want them to one day say “that’s my mom”- proud. Like I am of my mom.
· Finally—ME. Yes, probably the most important right? I want/need to be healthy. I want to live to 99.5 years old like my great-grandmother. I was once a healthy person-weight wise-before I got married I was about 100 lbs lighter. A 100 pounds! That’s more than Mema weighed the vast majority of her life. I know it will be good to lose the weight but I think deep down, I think that it will be good for my mind. I am not going to lie; no holds bar, I have anxiety and depression issues I have for about 9 years, since Sept. 11. I couldn’t handle it, wrapping my head around the fact why the rest of the world would hate the US, more specifically people they didn’t know. Innocent people. I did some very scary things and finally saw a therapist and worked on them. I am getting there again, not with global issues but personal. I am not sure when the ‘book’ hit me but more so how many times. Probably since I have had so many deaths in the last handful of years, the light flicked on-This is it, one shot, one time-that is all you get. I need to stop mooping, stop being cranky, stop be sad…change.
So what are you going to do you ask? I always had this dream of running, why, seriously no clue. I guess when I watched that movie “What Women Want” with Mel Gibson-remember when they pitched to Nike- “You don’t stand in front of a mirror before a run and wonder what the road will think of your outfit. You don’t have to listen to his jokes and pretend they are funny in order to run on it. It’s not easier to run if you dressed sexier, the road doesn’t notice if you are wearing lipstick, doesn’t care how old you are, you do not feel uncomfortable because you make more money than the road. And you can call on the road whenever you feel like it. Wither it’s been a day or a couple hours since your last date. The only thing the road cares about is you pay it a visit once in a while. Nike-no games just sports.” That movie came out 11 (dear god) years ago, why I remember it now. Tricky mind games I guess; or really good advertising! Either way, totally inspiring.
Speaking of inspiring I have a few people in my life I consider inspiring, do they know it…some do, some don’t, and to me that’s ok.
My mom-need I say more. I love her, I trust her, welcomes me and quirky little family with open arms-unconditionally.
My Mema-we already touched base on this one
My old friend Diane-She is in her mid 30’s and had to overcome something that nobody should have to-her husband Matt die of cancer, they were married only a couple years and he was in his 20’s. Again-announce with Cancer is coming up. She is strong, so strong. Matt and Di had this crazy connection; I seriously have never seen two people as happy on their wedding day as they did. Since Matt’s passing, Di has lost weight, ran a marathon, finished another college degree, and has Luna, her very large and cuddly great dane. (I point this out because as kids Di had so many allergies-dogs were outside, period.)
My ladies-the Thursday crew (ok we hang out way more than that-oh you get the point) each of them different, each of them with a special gift, and each of them contribute something different to our group of friends. B-she is the glue, the one that connects us all. A-she is an amazing teacher, thoughtful, kind; I think we are the most alike. J-she is a busy body-for real-she gets up at the butt crack of dawn to run-miles…I mean miles. K-she is quirky one in the group, funny, athletic, a coach.
I am sure there are more somewhere along the line….ok-the nitty gritty-I am over a 100 lbs over weight I want that bye bye-asap. But, realistically not going to happen overnight, or months, time; lots of it. I need to have patients, because I assure myself there will be ups and downs every day. Better decisions need to be made. I have currently come up with:
ü No more coffee-tea only-I put an unbelievable amount of sugar and cream in my coffee-calories to the hilt. When I drink tea-I feel better, still get the caffeine fix I desperately need but zip cals.
ü I need to change the items I eat, the amount I eat- Seriously no brainer. Difficult-sure. My family is so picky! Well, 2 of the 4 are.
ü No more snacks prior to bed-I eat it and lay down…right to my butt it goes as I drift happily, fully into dream land! Darn that ice cream man anyway!
ü Start the plan of walking/running. I Googled-overweight people who want to run. And like every time Google didn’t fail. I found a lot of great websites. (I chose to listen to: http://www.wikihow.com/Begin-Running) Seems doable-right? Yes Tina, it does.
What to expect-truth, and a lot of it. Tips-I will Google tips and such. Funny stories-those who know me know I have the worst luck, I am always getting hurt!
I should put a disclaimer: I often go on tangents, sorry, and I am a little goofy.
This is it, one shot, one time-that is all you get.
LISTEN. CHOOSE JOY. LIVE BRAVE. And FEAR NOT.
T.
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